One Small Step for Democracy

Maurice from Zoetermeer, Netherlands
Maurice from Zoetermeer, Netherlands

My disgust with the con-men elected to lead and/or represent us, and their insistence on risking jobs, economies, livelihoods, identity itself in games which they started playing at their schools and colleges is too complex and deep-seated to express. Instead, I’ll accept the fait accompli inadvertently perpetrated by the feckless, inept Cameron, facilitated by the cowardly, irresponsible Johnson, and now the plaything of the treacherous Gove and the wife who pulls his strings. (As for Farridge, he’s so unspeakably toxic that he won’t even get a footnote.)

Which means that our thoughts must now turn to the nature of this democratic thing still known by some as ‘the mother of all parliaments’. (The expression, by the way, originally referred not to the British but the English parliament.) Its decision to abnegate its responsibility and, instead of making informed decisions on our behalf about matters far too complicated for us to be able to judge as individuals, call a referendum, has – surprise, surprise – created a situation with neither Plan A nor Plan B.

The discomfort of such a limbo makes the need for truth overwhelming. So let’s start with that parliament itself. The tradition is for MPs to refer to one another as ‘The Honourable Member’ or ‘The Right Honourable Member’ for such and such a constituency. The recklessly cavalier actions of the gamesters I mentioned at the start demands that this be revisited. I therefore suggest that the term ‘Honourable Member’ needs to be updated. In fact, human beings are far too varied for the essence of each to be captured in a single, catch-all expression, so the term should be replaced by a catalogue of designations  which capture the specific nature of the Member concerned and distinguish him from his fellows.

Thus, in the light of recent events, we should expect in future to hear in such broadcasts as Yesterday in Parliament the following exchanges:

Would the Duplicitous Shit for (insert constituency here) share with us…
Perhaps the Smug Sycophant for (…) would explain his…
Is the Intellectually-Challenged Prick for (…) aware that…
I find the stance of the Unreliable Dipstick for (…) difficult to…

Then, once that particular tradition has been safely embedded and accepted as the norm, the House could add to the colour of its debates by referencing the more creative offerings of Twitter users who welcomed Mr Trump’s congratulations  to Scotland for ‘taking back control’ of their country with apophthegms such as ‘Witless cocksplat’ and ‘Tiny-fingered, Cheeto-faced, ferret-wearing shitgibbon’.

It’s a new dawn for democracy.


    1. Thanks, Helen, but they live in a different world. Since I wrote this, it’s got even worse. I wouldn’t have believed that could happen, but it has.

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